If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
