Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize