sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
