I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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