you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
