Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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