i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
