your parents love me but you hate me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
