i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
