We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
