Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize