In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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