she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am naked and annoyed.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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