Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
