They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
