Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
