im about as happy as oj after his trial
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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