you traded sex for a burrito?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
