margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
