You smell like stripper and shame
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
FUCK WHALES
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
