You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
