I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
