fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
my liver is dry heaving
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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