My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
