who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
