cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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