i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize