She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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