got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you had me at cake vodka
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
