i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
