Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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