This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
