he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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