he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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