i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
where does the pee come out of this thing
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize