My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
