people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
third nipple confirmed
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
