its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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