Im at strip club and am horny
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
