On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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