Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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