How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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