the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
