I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The adults are the big ones right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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