i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
