When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
