We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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