When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
