dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
