just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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