A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
