I haven't been this sober since birth.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
