Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
