i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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