1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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