Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
