We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
