drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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