Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
