just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
