Need sex. Gaining weight.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
