a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
