I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
