I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
