I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
