Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you never un-have a 4some
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
