Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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