He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
