Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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