so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
