New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
