why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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