apparently the secret to your success is patron
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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