So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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